Maria
by solista
Summary: Maria Lancers birth, and life until she left her husband.


Maria

"Love isn't something you find.

Love is something that finds you."

Loretta Young

The little adobe shack sat in the middle of the desert, a few chickens scratched in the dirt, a pig squealed in the pen, and a goat tried to find a patch of grass.

Darkness had descended and a storm was starting to blow, it would mostly be lightening, and maybe a few drops of rain, one could only hope. The man stood looking out at the sky, now dark. No stars, no moon light. Ay! Ay! Ay! He turned back to the room lit by one single lamp, he heard the moans of his wife, she would soon give birth to their child. He worried, the last two children died before they were born, with no medico, would the good Santa Maria deny them just one child?

He closed the door praying to Santa Maria to grant him this one hope.

The storm died as the newborn baby took its first breath. The father bundled the baby in his arms and went outside to show the world his baby girl. The moon came out as if to kiss her cheeks, the stars shone as if to put their brilliance into her eyes. For the saint that he prayed to he named her Maria.

The man and woman were proud parents; their life would live on in their daughter. As the child grew she would be their heart and soul, she would continue to give them joy. One day she will marry and present them with a grandchild. They looked at her as she slept. They knelt on the dirt floor of their shack and thanked the Saints.

Maria could not sleep, she sat up in bed. The dreams always the dreams. Who was he, why did he torment her so? Swinging her feet to the dirt floor, she stood and wrapped a tattered shawl around her slim body and crossed the floor in the one room shack and opened the door. Moonlight gazed down at her as she walked alone.

She heard the night, the small animals, the snort of the pigs, and the flutter of the chickens as they shifted in their sleep. A lone coyote sent up its lonely call.

She felt for the coyote, she too sent up her call, but there was never an answer. She would have to leave here, her dreams, her need to go to see what was out there pulled at her. Her parents would not understand they lived here on this patch of dirt; they will die here on this patch of dirt. She would not.

Maria returned to the one room shack and began to collect what few things she had; opening the pillowcase, she shoved her one skirt and blouse into the threadbare case. She took a clay jug, poured cool water into it, and sealed it with a cloth...

Turning towards the door, her mother and father were standing there, fear, sadness in their eyes. She said not a word, her mother hugged her as she walked by, her father put his dry lips to her forehead. She bowed her head and left them. Tears in their eyes, why had she gone? Why had she taken their heart and soul?

The moon lit her way. She would go to the village. She would begin her journey there. The haunting dreams must be laid to rest.

Maria was very intelligent, though she had no formal education. Her genius was how to tell what a person was thinking, before he thought it. She learned fast as she traveled from one village to another. She was sixteen, but older in her ways than any child. Maria found out that she could get what she wanted with a quick smile.

Her smile could light up a dark room; her charm could make a snake drop its diamonds from its back. She had a form that was enticing, her shining black glossy hair and her dark eyes could get any man to do as she wished. For the first time she had new clothes, and men loved to dance with her.

One night she awoke and left her bed to stand in front of the window of her small room. The moonlight called to her. She turned and pulled her carpetbag from under the bed, folding her dresses and placing the few items she now owned into the bag she drew on her shawl and left the room.

She never glanced back at the small village, she was going north, she felt the pull in her heart. The moonbeams walked beside her and the stars blinked their understanding. The pull was great and she had to follow.

Maria smiled at the man beside her, he had bought her a fine dinner for her birthday, she had turned eighteen. The colorful skirt had many a wide flounce, so when she danced her tanned legs could be seen, a rich honey color. Her white blouse dipped off both shoulders smooth as silk as her hands danced her fingers snapped to the music.

She was working in a cantina in Matamoros when he walked in. He was a gringo, taller than most men, light colored hair. Broad shoulders. He was handsomely dressed. New to the area, he was not like all the others.

She danced close to his table, her hips swaying to the music. Her black hair falling to her small waist. He couldn't take his eyes from her. She threw him a rose, and then walked away. He stood and walked to her table, he sat with her through the night.

The tall gringo and the beautiful senorita would be seen walking the streets. Laughing, hugging each other. Some smiled, some frowned. It should not be a gringo and one of theirs. It would never work, a marriage destined to fail. Besides that one, she had no shame. She would use everything she had to get what she wanted, and she wanted more from life than what she had.

They were happy, she knew he had pain in his life, but she would heal the pain..."

"How far away is your ranchero?" Murdoch looked down at the petite beauty, her smile captivated him, and her laughter brought him joy. "It is in California, in a beautiful valley with mountains all around it. Ah Maria could you be happy with me so far away from your home and family?"

She looked down, "I have no family. Everything I have is here." Looking up through thick lashes, she gave him her most charming smile, "But I have found you querida."

Murdoch waited for her at the bottom of the stairs. He was watching as the people in the lobby stopped and looked up the staircase. Turning, his heart stopped. Maria had put on a form fitting black satin dress, she seemed to float down the stairs, men stopped to look and women remarked at her charm.

The tall Californian took her arm as she stepped beside him, his smile wide, with just his eyes; he dared any man to try to take her away.

The couple dined at the best restaurant in town. He was amazed one so young could give him back something he had lost with the death of his first wife. He had told her he came so far to buy cattle and a bull for stud, but the Don would not speak to him. She tapped him on his cheek, "There is always a way if you truly want it."

The next day the Don sent for the gringo and Murdoch had a deal for fifty head of prime stock and a stud bull that would make him a profit in the years to come.

"I told you my darling, if you truly want it." Murdoch took her in his arms and kissed her, she made him weak, she made him crazy and she made him alive again. She pulled the shades, locked the door, and enclosed him in her sweet arms.

He held his hat in his hand, and looked at the young woman, "Are you sure darling?"

Looking up at him she nodded her head, tears standing in her eyes, he touched a finger to her chin and lifted it up, "Maria, I will do right by you, you already know I love you with all my heart. I can only hope you love me too."

"You know I do. I will not lie to you and tell you no man has tried to take my chastity. But know this by all that is holy, you are the first man I have freely given myself to."

"And now we will have a child. Marry me Maria, come back to California. Be my wife, the mother of my child."

She threw her arms around his neck, "We must be married first."

Murdoch stood her back from him, "What ever you want, how you want it and where."

The Catholic Church set the bans; the gringo was coached in the traditions of the church.

The morning of the wedding Maria knelt in her room and made the sign of the cross. She didn't know if her parents were still alive, she really didn't care. That was all past. Her dreams were quiet now, he had come. A new journey was beginning, it would be long. Matamoros was many miles from this valley in California. She would see Texas and Arizona before they made it to the valley. Her blood was excited, a grand hacienda, servants, a great rancho for her son.

She had been with many men, but she did not lie to the man soon to be her husband. She was a virgin in that way, but there are ways to love a man besides that. It gave her control, and she swore no man would control her; her life, her decision.

When she left the little shack in the desert, it was her choice. The fire in her blood burned then as it did now. A new chapter to her life.

She stood and felt her stomach. It grew there; their love will make a perfect baby. I will be a son; he will be accepted in the gringo world, son of a great ranchero. He will look like his papa, tall, strong. To see him would be like looking at the father.

She whispered to the unborn child, "You will be called John, not Juan. Sleep Niño, when you first see this world it will be at the great rancho Lancer."

A knock at the door, and Maria gathered the train of her wedding dress and went to become Mrs. Murdoch Lancer.

The bull and cattle were sent ahead, vaqueros hired to drive them the many miles. The patron and his new wife would travel slower in a wagon. The couple had bought some furniture that the young bride could not live without. Her chests filled with dresses.

The old Don who sold Murdoch the cattle also sent a couple of vaqueros with the couple for protection. Cipriano had family that lived in California, in fact his cousin and his wife worked at the ranch, which Lancer had bought from Don Carlos Reyes.

Isidrio, the second vaquero, had always wanted to see California, it would be an adventure.

So in the early morning hour a wagon heavy laden, a tall gringo and a beautiful senora left Matamoros, Mexico heading to California and a new life. Two strong vaqueros rode behind the wagon. A small remuda of extra draft horses and a few palominos herded between the riders. The journey would be long, but there was great hope with the two people in love.

At the rise, Maria got her first glimpse of the grand rancho, Lancer. It spread out below her; the hacienda glowed almost white in the early morning. A large barn and corral to the left of the large structure, the bull from Mexico already in place. The cattle grazed at a field behind the barn.

Murdoch glanced at his young wife; she was glowing, was it from seeing his dream before her or was it his child growing inside her. He took her hand and kissed it, "Welcome to Lancer my darling."

Maria looked down at her husband, she had stood up in the wagon to see her first glimpse, he sat holding the reins and her hand, "It is beautiful my husband. It glows as if it is expecting us. Our Niño will grow strong here; he will ride beside his papa."

Murdoch could imagine his son beside him, riding the vast empire he was building. Oh, this was just the start; he would improve and raise his cattle. Lancer will be a force to reckon with. When he retrieved Scott from Boston and with his new son, he truly hoped it would be a son, but he would take a girl whatever the good Lord blessed him with. However, to ride his land with two sons beside him, he would be truly blessed. "Sit Maria, we will be there in soon."

Sitting she kissed her gringo, she did love him in her own way, he had given her a new life. How she chose to live, it would be her decision. Patting her stomach, she whispered to her son, "Soon Niño we will be home soon."

Paul O'Brien greeted his friend and boss. "Murdoch." His eyes going to the beauty beside him. Questions in his eyes. Stepping down from the wagon Murdoch lifted his wife down, "Paul, I'd like you to meet Maria, my wife." Paul took off his hat and bowed, glancing at his friend. "Ma'am."

It was a shock to see Murdoch with such a young woman as a wife; he didn't deny his friend some happiness after he had lost Catherine and his first son. However, she was very young, what was he thinking?

He watched Murdoch take Marias' hand and walks her to the great door, he picked her up and carried her over the threshold, sighing he saw to the unloading of the wagon. He saw the two Mexican Vaqueros put the horses in the larger corral, and he walked over, "Gracias, I am Paul O'Brien the Segundo at Lancer."

Maria Elena Diaz had been the housekeeper for the old Don, then stayed on when the gringo came to be the new patron. He was a fair man; she never looked at a person by how he was born, but how he lived. The patron was a good man; he came with his Catherine from Boston. The blonde gringa was a lady, but she more than once got on her knees to wipe up dirt from the floor, or helped to clean the wound of a vaquero. She was not faint of heart, though Maria Elena knew the patrons fair wife never had to do a bit of work before coming to Lancer.

She peered out of the kitchen at the new wife of the patron. Though this one was of her kind, she did not think she would make a good wife for the patron. After talking to her cousin Cipriano, whom she was glad he was hired to work the cattle, knew the woman would never be happy here.

Maria de Lancer was not happy with the housekeeper, she did not jump when she told her to jump, and that would change. In addition, she needed a sirvienta the help her dress and do her bidding. This was her hacienda and she would be obeyed.

Maria came into the barn and told Cipriano to saddle her horse. He bowed to her, "Si patrona." He did not want to make her angry, but she was really too long in her pregnancy to be riding.

He saddled the palomino mare and led it out, "Patrona should be careful of riding, so close to her time."

Maria flashed her dark eyes at the man, "You have only to do what I ask you to do." She swung up easily on her horse, though the bulge of the baby sat close to the pommel of the saddle. Looking down on the man, "Now tell me where my husband works today."

"The patron in near the low pasture." Cipriano moved back as she kicked the horse, a cloud of dust as she galloped out of the yard. Maria Elena came to stand by her cousin, with a checked towel in her hand, "Estupido." She made the sign of the cross, "I will pray for the life of patron's child."

Murdoch and Paul looked up as a rider appeared over the hill; the palomino came fast down the incline, the hat of the rider hanging down the back by the stampede strings. Pulling the horse up fast so it sat on its haunches, the wild eyes of the woman flashed, her smile full as she looked down on her husband. "So you will not come home to me for lunch, I will come to fetch you home."

Paul moved away from the couple, Murdochs' voice was low,

"Maria I told you last night I would not be home, we have to finish this before the rains come."

She tilted her head, "You husband are the patron, you do not have to get dirty, you do not have to leave me so alone in the hacienda. Come home with me now, querda." She smiled down at him, promises in her eyes, seduction in her smile.

Murdoch reached up and put his hands on hers, "Darling please understand, this is a working ranch, we all work. If we don't work, the ranch will not grow. It needs to grow for our children."

He stepped back, "Didn't the doctor tell you no more riding until after the baby is born?"

"I will do as I please. I know my body; this little ride will not harm the Niño. Do not come to me covered in dirt. I will see you tonight at dinner."

She turned the horse sharp and kicked it into a gallop, disappearing over the hill.

Paul came back to stand beside his friend, "She's probably just restless, what with the baby coming soon."

Looking at Paul, Murdoch ran a hand down his face, "Was I wrong to marry someone so young?"

With a small laugh Paul put his hand on Murdoch's' shoulder, "Maria may be young, but she is much older in her ways." Moving back to the work before them, "Come on Patron, let's get back to work so you can get home to your wife."

Murdoch followed behind his friend his thoughts on his wife, she was young, but she gave him such joy. With the coming birth of his child, he could bring Scott home from Boston. Raising his children at Lancer, a dream about to come true. Maybe he would go home early tonight and take Maria into Green River to eat out.

He slapped Paul's back, "Let's finish this up; I have a beautiful woman waiting at home for me." The two men bent to work, knee deep in mud, Murdoch was a happy man.

"Lo siento, Patron. I wanted to send for you, but the senora forbade me. I did send Jose for el medico. She should not have ridden today. Muy malo for the Niño." The housekeeper backed away from the patron as he climbed the stairs two at a time.

Maria Elena shook her head, foolish girl. It was time she behaved like the patrons wife, not some untamed child. She returned to the kitchen and put on water to boil, it would be a long night.

Sam Jenkins, doctor, friend, closed the door on the sleeping young woman. He slowly walked down the stairs into the great room, his friend Murdoch was there, concern on his face, fear of the report of his exam. "Pour me a glass of your best and I'll tell you not to worry." A sigh was released and Murdoch turned to pour his friend a drink. Handing it to him, he motioned that they sit.

Taking a sip Sam looked at the rancher, "She's tired. The ride was too much. I've warned her again she would lose the baby if she didn't take better care of herself."

Standing and looking at the empty fireplace, "She won't listen to me, she's stubborn and when she doesn't get her way she throws a temper tantrum." Turning he ran a hand through his hair, "What can I do, Sam?"

"Is there someone she can talk to, who she trusts?" Sam finished his drink. Shaking his head Murdoch said, "No one I know of, she's pretty much isolated out here, with the baby so close, she hardly goes into town."

Standing beside his friend Sam put a hand on Murdoch's' shoulder, "She needs another woman to help her. How about Aggie Conway?" Looking up Murdoch smiled, "She may be the answer. Aggie is good with people, and Maria does need someone. I'll call on her and Henry tomorrow. Would Maria be up to a ride in the carriage?"

"Maria is young and strong. If she feels up to it, I'd say it was fine. And now my friend I will go on back to town."

Stopping his friend, "Sam it's already late, stay for dinner, there's always a room here for you."

Smiling Sam moved over to the liquor cart and poured another Scotch, "I thought you'd never offer."

Holding out his own glass Murdoch smiled, "There will always be a room for you here my friend. Always."

Murdoch sat at the kitchen table, elbows on the table; head in his hands, Sam sat smiling behind a cup of coffee. Maria Elena the Lancer housekeeper and Maria de Lancer stood toe to toe, hands on hips, eyes locked.

"Maria..." both women turned their heads to the man, "Ah my wife Maria...darling come sit beside me and let Maria Elena do her job." The rancher stood and held out a chair to his wife. The young woman smirked at the housekeeper then turned, breaking eye contact and moved to her husband, "Of course my husband, the help must be told their place." Maria smiled as her husband sat her next to him.

"Darling, Maria Elena has been with me for some years, she is aware of her duties." Looking up at the housekeeper he smiled, "Gracias Maria."

"De nada patron." Turning her back to the patron and his wife, Maria Elena went back to her stove. No country girl mujer would rule her kitchen.

Maria de Lancer, picked up her fork and poked at the cold eggs, then sat her fork back on the table, "My eggs are cold, I can not eat them, please have your cook make me more." She grinned at her husband. "I need my strength to carry my Niño, according to el medico." As she looked at Sam.

Maria Elena's' shoulders tensed, she broke two more eggs into the frying pan. Her breathing was rapid, but she was calm as she turned the eggs, and then slipped them onto a plate.

Walking to the table, she placed them in front of the senora,

"Senora Lancer needs only to ask." Smiling she turned.

"Gracias Maria Elena, perhaps next time I will not have to ask." The housekeepers shoulders went up, Maria de Lancer smiled and Sam said, "Maria Elena do you have more coffee, I swear this is the best I've had."

Murdoch joined in, "Yes please Maria Elena, I would like more as well, and breakfast was very good, gracias."

The battle had been diverted once again, now if the war could be turned.

The ride to the Conway ranch was soothing, Maria was happy, the catfight in the kitchen put aside. She clung to Murdoch's arm, and smiled up at him. He kept her tucked close, enjoying her touch. She was his life, and soon she will give him a child to hold and spoil. Life was good.

"So my husband you have known these Conways for a long time?" Her enquiry brought back the memories of he and his first wife Catherine's first encounter with Aggie and Henry. They had a few head of cattle, but were in need of a bull. The Conways sold them a bull and gave them some very good advice. From that time on Lancer and Conway were neighbors and friends.

"I've known Aggie and Henry since I came to the valley, they helped Catherine and I through many a disaster. They are very good friends, you'll like them too. You'll see."

Maria did not really want to like any gringo friends of her husband's first wife. They would judge her try to match her up against a gringa ghost but she was Maria de Lancer, she was who she was, she would not change for strangers, she had not changed for her husband and he was happy. "My husband. They are your friends how can I not like them?" She turned her smile up at him and snuggled closer. She was who she was, no one would change her.

Aggie was the perfect host; she greeted Murdoch and Maria, and promptly left the men, leading Maria to her sitting room. Looking at the beautiful woman Aggie could see how Murdoch could have been mesmerized buy this young woman. She had seen the joy and pride on Murdoch's face when they met them in the yard. This was no Catherine from Boston, though Catherine had been her friend, no this was a woman who knew what she wanted and nothing stopped her from achieving what she desired.

"How are you doing with the baby, Maria?" Smoothing her skirts, the young woman looked at the golden haired gringa.

"El medico thinks I should stay the bed, I say I am fine. I was tired one time after a ride and my husband and my doctor wants to keep me in the house."

Pouring tea into small china cups, Aggie handed one to Maria, "I lost a child, because I wanted to ride, to do as I felt I needed or could do. It hurt me inside and I could never have anymore."

Maria set her cup on the small side table, "Because you rode?" Aggie took a sip of her tea, "Yes, I was foolish and young, and head strong. If I had done what was right, I would have a beautiful daughter right now."

Thinking of her unborn child, she placed a hand over her rounded stomach. She could not lose this child, this first child would be important. Looking at the gringa through long dark eyelashes, she brought her head up, "Senora Conway, perhaps we can talk."

Smiling, Aggie nodded, "Only if you call me Aggie."

Maria smiled back; maybe she would like this gringa.

On the way home to Lancer, Murdoch felt a change in his wife. Sam was right; Aggie was good for anyone, especially for his headstrong young wife.

Murdoch stood on the patio, it was late or early, however one looked at it. Paul was with him. Paul's young wife Angel was upstairs with Maria Elena and Sam Jenkins. It was time for the Lancer heir to be born.

The storm that had been building all day, came booming at them, the wind picked up, the thunder rolled but there was no rain. The moon hid behind the dark sky, no stars shown.

The men heard a scream, Paul put a hand on Murdoch's' arm as he went to run up the stairs, "Not yet friend, doc has it under control." Patting Murdoch's back, Paul poured them a drink, "Drink it all, I think you'll be needn' it."

Silently the rancher took the drink and downed it in one gulp. His eyes on the ceiling, Lord make it all right.

Cipriano made the sign of the cross, the other ranch hands were quiet, the scream had woken them. They knew the patron would soon have a child, many prayed for a son; that was in God's hands.

Maria Elena came down the stairs, a bundle in her arms, and a smile on her face. "Patron?"

Murdoch stared up at the woman and her bundle. She nodded, "You have a very strong son."

Walking the short distance he took the bundle, not a sound was heard, he opened the blanket and took in the shock of thick black hair, the small round face, now red, but would be a sun kissed brown like his mother. He saw Maria mirrored in the son. The baby opened his eyes; there was a part of him. The blue eyes of the son seemed to lock on his fathers.

Murdoch went outside, Cipriano and a few of the ranch hands were there. Holding up his son the moon came from behind the clouds and bathed father and son in its glow, the stars joined in and sent their brilliance into the eyes of the second Lancer son. "My son John Lancer."

The ranch hands whooped for joy, and the child let out a cry, strong and loud. Murdoch cradled the child to his chest and the boy quieted, nestled close to his fathers' heart.

Coming back into the hacienda, he returned the baby to Maria Elena's arms. Paul came over to coo at the baby. Mounting the stairs he went to see his wife, pausing outside the door, he pushed it open. His beautiful Maria lay; now clean with the help of Angel and Sam. Kneeling by the bed he took his wife's hand in his, "Maria, darling did Sam tell you we have a son? He is beautiful, just like his mother."

Maria opened her eyes, "Like me?" Kissing her hand, he smiled, "Just like you a mirror image."

Closing her eyes, a tear rolled down one cheek. Murdoch thought it tears of joy, but Maria had hoped the child would look more like the father. Fair skinned and light haired.

"Darling he has a full head of dark hair and will have your sun kissed skin, but the most beautiful deep blue eyes."

Pulling her hand from her husband she sighed, "I am tired, I must rest." Maria Elena entered the room and went to place the baby beside its mother. "No! Take him away, I am too tired." Murdoch stood, "Let me have him Maria, she is tired, I'll hold him." Taking his son, the father walked to the big rocker and sat. The little body held close, the child sleeping with the beat of his father's heart in his ear.

Maria de Lancer was disappointed she had so wanted a more gringo looking son. This Niño would have a hard time; he would show his mixed heritage in his darker skin and blue eyes, than he would if he had been lighter. Her son would not have a good life. She did not think she would ever attempt another birth. Once was enough, the pain; the child had been small, but she did not want to experience this again.

No her husband will not be happy with her decision, but this was her body, her right. No more children.

Maria de Lancer nursed her son, and then as soon as she could, he was nursed on the bottle. That was all right for Murdoch, he could hold his son and watch the boy drink his fill, and it seemed he could never get enough. The happy father cherished these moments.

His eyes would drift to his wife. She would care for the boy, but there was something about the way she did it; as if John was someone else's child. Murdoch could not understand. He would ask Sam; maybe have Aggie talk to her.

Maria looked at her husband in the great rocker, he held tight to the Niño, smiling and cooing, kissing the cheeks of his son. She was jealous. Where were her kisses, why wasn't his arms around her? Her husband must understand she needed him too. Perhaps since she had not let him back into her bed yet he felt she did not want him. She did want him, needed him. Tonight. Yes tonight she would begin the seduction of her husband. Smiling she began plotting in her head; her husband will once again desire her. She would have him hire a nursemaid for the Niño so the boy would not take so much of her husband's time. Carmen, yes she would be good for the boy.

As her thoughts filled her head, Murdoch cuddled his son once more before putting him into his cradle. Turning to his wife, he walked over and kissed her forehead.

"I may be late tonight; we have to move the herd to the south pasture. I'll send someone back if we have to stay on the range." Before she could protest, he walked out the door. No! He would not do this to her. She had plans, glancing at the cradle she frowned. If the child had been a girl, he would not be so taken. No matter. She would still get her way. No one controlled her; no one kept her from what she wanted.

It had almost been a year and a half, Lancer grew. There was more land, more cattle. Murdoch loved his ranch and his little family.

All was right in the world, except for one thing, the older Lancer son was still in Boston.

Murdoch tied off at the rail when a screaming black haired toddler came running out the patio doors, naked as the day he was born, behind him was Carmen and Maria Elena waving small pants and shirt.

The small boy nearly jumped into the arms of his father.

"Papa, Johnny no take bath. Johnny go ride with you." The boy put his two small hands on either side of his fathers' face and looked him in the eye, "You say Johnny go ridin' when papa come home. Papa home, now Johnny go ride."

Clutching the naked little body to him he kissed his sons' dark head, he smelled of rose water and powder and little boy, "Johnny go with Carmen and get dressed, put on your pants, shirt and boots. I will go see your momma, and then we will go for a ride."

Maria de Lancer was sitting in a chair with a book; she had not dressed for the day, but stayed in her bedroom. She looked up as her husband came in the door. "How was your trip my husband?" she said as if it was a question that should be asked, but really cared less about.

Murdoch came over to her and kissed her cheek, "Fine, the bull I bought will be a good breeder." Looking at his wife she never took her eyes from her book, "Do you plan on getting dressed today?

Marking her page her dark eyes looked up at him, "I do not feel well today, John has been a handful. He only want's his Papa today."

Murdoch smiled, "Yes he greeted me, he's letting Carmen dress him then we are going for a ride." Kneeling beside his wife he took her hand, "Darling I was thinking, we need to go away from Lancer for a small break. I want us to go to Boston and get Scott, bring him home."

Her face was closed to him, yet she wanted to go to a big city with him, but she would not show how much it would mean to her. "And what of our son?"

"Johnny will be fine here for a short time, he will have Carmen and Maria Elena and Paul and Angel. It will do him good as well."

Taking her hand back, she pushed up from the chair. Murdoch rose as she did. Putting her arms around his waist, she hugged him to her, "I would like that very much, my husband." Bending down he put a finger under her chin and tipped it up, he kissed her, and she kissed him back, it ignited a flame deep in him, she smiled up. "Go take your hijo for his ride. I will have a fine dinner fixed for you, and then when John is settled for the night, I will remind you why you love me so much."

Smiling Murdoch left his wife and returned to the great room, his small son was walking back and forth in front of the patio doors. Upon seeing his father, he stopped and put his hands on his hips, "Papa late. Johnny ready now."

Swooping his son up amid giggles and smiles, he toted his son out to his horse. Placing the boy on the saddle the happy father swung up behind his son. Johnny wiggled to a more comfortable position took the reins in his small hands, and kicked the horse, his legs being short, the feet managed to hit the horse on the top of his shoulders. The tall patient horse looked around and snorted.

Murdoch leaned around his son and patted the horse, "Ok Nero, our boss said to go."

The horse shook his head and moved off, the boy clucking and kicking. When they reached the Lancer arch the horse started a faster pace, the child laughed with joy, the fathers' smile was wide and the horse was content to just run.

Murdoch Lancer was happy, his son lay asleep in his cradle, his wife was once again as he remembered her to be, the ranch was making money, what more could a man ask for. Well for him there was one more thing, to have his older son here under his roof. To see his boys grow up together, learn under his tutelage, to love this land as he did. His great hope the only missing piece to his complete happiness.

Stroking the hair of his wife nestled up against him, he fell asleep dreaming of riding the open range of Lancer with a dark haired son on one side and a blonde haired son on the other.

Cipriano took the young Lancer son on his hip, "Come Niño we will go see to your pony." Johnny knew something was wrong, his Papa and Momma were dressed like to go to church; he had seen many boxes loaded unto a wagon. Maria Elena, whom he called his momacita, was telling his Papa that all will be well, he heard the name Boston and Scott...then Cip took him up and away from his Papa. He had a bad feeling he was not going to be happy for a long time.

Johnny could not be settled until Paul came into the room and picked him up. Settling into the big rocker the Lancer foreman and Murdoch's dear friend held the sobbing boy against his chest and rocked. Hearing the heartbeat under his head the child sniffed back his tears, his momma said big boys do not cry. His Papa said he was a big boy, so he would not cry anymore, the heartbeat was different from his Papa's, but it gave him peace, and he felt safe. Drifting off the child sighed, and gave into the land of nod.

The trip to Boston had not been rewarding, Harlan Garrett, his father-in-law from his marriage to Catherine, fought him in regards to taking his son home to California. He told him he would have a long and expensive court battle, and he would pull the small five year through the courts.

Murdoch was defeated; he would not put the small boy through that, even though his heart was breaking. Harlan did allow him to meet the boy. He was introduced as a business associate. The small blond haired, blue-eyed child lifted his hand up to the tall man, taking the small hand in a shake the child looked up into his father's face and said, "Nice to meet you." Then the child was whisked away back to his birthday party. Murdoch Lancer left the house and his son; devastated and heavyhearted.

He collected Maria and would return to his home, empty handed. Looking out at the city through the window of the carriage, he thought of the dark haired son back at Lancer. He had at least that small part of his heart left whole, one day he still hoped he would have Catherine's son home at Lancer.

Maria de Lancer smiled. Good, at least she would not have the dead gringas son under foot as well. Touching her husbands arm with a gentle hand, he turned and smiled. Patting hers he thought, this time Garrett won, but only this time.

Johnny Lancer was two years old; he had the big cake to prove it. Mamacita Maria had made it for him; he did not want to share it with the other children. Just like, he did not want to share his Papa with his mother. He was selfish his momma said, and selfish boys deserved nothing. Holding up his new wooden pony in his hand, he grinned at his mother with defiance in his blue eyes. His Papa said he was a good boy, and growing up to be a good young man.

Cipriano looked between the mother and son. So much alike, yet so very different. The Niño loved his father; the wife did not love her husband. He had seen the change soon after the return from Boston. Maria Elena said much the same thing, and since last week, Maria de Lancer slept in a different bedroom.

Paul gritted his teeth as his wife, Angel, told him of Maria Lancer's dalliances. How could the woman do this to his friend? Did Murdoch know of this, but no, his friend would not, he was too trusting.

Murdoch had poured himself into Lancer, he seemed to work harder. At night, the rancher would clean up, eat whatever was in front of him, then retire to the nursery and rock his son to sleep. He would check on his wife, kiss her forehead and collapse into his own bed; alone.

Maria de Lancer buttoned her blouse, and smiled down at the sleeping man that was not her husband. She was bored, she felt the urges again; it was time to go. The moon sang to her, the stars begged her to go with them. See what was over the next hill, feel the excitement of something new.

Closing the door to the line shack Maria mounted her horse. She would have to be careful, Murdoch was a smart man; so far, he had not found out about her cravings, he could no longer satisfy her and it made her sad. She did love the man; her life at the hacienda was good, but lonely. The women on the ranch did not really like her, but she did not need female companionship, nor did she need the gringas of the towns.

Her needs were for her desires, she could no longer be happy here. What of her son? When John was born she was disappointed, but the Niño proved that he was his father's son, and he challenged her at every turn, she loved the look on his small face as he dared her.

The boy tied up her husband's heart, she did not want to hurt Murdoch, but John was her son, and when she left, she would have a part of the only man she had truly loved. It would be best if she just left no arguments, no shouting, and no hurtful words.

Murdoch was talking again about getting his son from Boston, and that would be good. She would have her son and Murdoch could have Catherine's son. A blond replacement for the dark haired boy.

Bueno, it would happen soon. She had walked into the nursery and smiled down at the Niño, her hijo. This was her part of the life she had loved, but now must leave. Closing the door she went to her room, the time to plan had come.

It had been a regular day at Lancer, rise, and eat, chores. Everyone had their work their own problems and worries, and so Maria de Lancer was allowed her own thoughts and counsels. No one saw as she packed light, as she emptied her jewelry box as she had a few extra baby blankets beside the ninos bed. She left the baby with Carmen and rode into Morro Coyo.

Murdoch could not believe his good fortune, the day had gone well. A new contract for beef would put much needed money in Lancers coffers. He was greeted by a laughing, wiggling son as he walked into the great room. His wife was even there to meet him, a smile on her face as she watched her son with his father.

Dinner was as it should be his wife beside him, his son in his highchair picking his food up with his pudgy fingers. Looking at his beautiful Maria he remembered why he loved her, how she forced the pain of his lost older son away, and filled his heart with excitement, and she gave him his wonderful dark haired son.

After supper they sat in the great room before the fireplace, which had been lit to stave off the cooler nights. Johnny lay on his father's broad chest and listened to the heart beating under his small ear. The child was content, felt safe hearing that steady beat.

Maria smiled at her husband, her eyes telling him what she wanted, knowing what he desired. Gathering the baby up in his arms he stood and held out one hand to his wife. She took the offered hand and stood. The small family ascended the staircase.

Murdoch tucked his son into bed; ran a hand through the silky black hair, and bent to kiss the plump cheek. He turned and Maria was not beside him.

He left his sons room and left the door partially opened. Walking to his own room, he stopped in the doorway, his wife, her back to him smiled at him over her shoulder, " Por favor my husband, undo my buttons." Entering the room he closed the door and moved up behind his wife, his hands encircled her from behind and he nuzzled her neck," Are you sure my darling."

"Si my husband, of this I am sure." Man and woman again became husband and wife, all was good at Lancer.

Slipping from her husband's bed, Maria went to her room and washed then dressed in her traveling clothes. She opened her window and looked down, he was there, turning back into her room she picked up her valise and tossed it out to the man. Leaving the room she closed the door and moved to the room beside hers, her hijo, her Johnny. Pushing open the door she grabbed up a blanket and wrapped it around the sleeping baby, the small wooden horse fell from his fingers, and he stirred, " Shhh mi hijo, dormirse sueno." She held him close and left the room.

Stepping from the stair case she looked at the great room bathed in moonlight, and felt sadness, she had been happy here at first; she had loved her husband, the hacienda, the land. But she had to go; her heart bade her to see what was over the next hill. The moonlight beckoned. Turning and going through the kitchen she opened the door, he was there.

He took the child from her arms and held him close; taking her hand they moved to the horses tied at the side of the house. He laid Johnny on the ground as he helped her onto the horse, picking the child up he handed the baby to her. Mounting himself he took the child from her to cradle on his arm. Moving in the uncomfortable position Johnny's blue eyes opened, it was dark and cold, the arms that held him were not familiar, " Papa? Papa?" He heard his mother, "Silencio, nino."

Johnny felt the horse under him, the slow gate rocking him, just like Papa's horse. Closing his eyes the younger son of Murdoch Lancer was being carried off away from the man who loved him, who needed him. Away from the life he should have, away from the people who cared about him.

Maria de Lancer never once turned around to look at what she was leaving. It was something that had to be, she could not control the need inside her, she could not stay here, she needed to be free. She had tried, but she could not stay. Looking across to the man who held her son, she smiled, she had a part of the man she loved and still loved. Lancer was now just a memory.

The moonlight lit their way, the stars danced above them Maria was free, her needs and desires one in the same.

Morning came early on a working ranch, Murdoch felt beside him, but Maria was not there, probably went to see about John. Swing his feet to the cold floor the rancher stood and began getting ready for the day. He could already smell coffee wafting up from the kitchen. Buttoning his shirt he opened his bedroom door to go to his son's room.

His step lighter today, he remembered last light with his Maria. Pushing his son's door open Murdoch strode in, Johnny was usually up, bouncing in his crib. It was quiet, opening the drapes, the early morning sunlight shown down on an empty bed.

Going downstairs he entered the kitchen from the back stairs, seeing Maria Elena at the stove he sat at his usual place at the table. The housekeeper/cook sat a cup of coffee in front of the patron, "Gracias Maria. Did Carman bring Johnny down already?"

Looking puzzled at the rancher Maria shook her head, "No Patron. I have not seen the girl or our nino."

" Johnnys' not in his room." Putting his cup down he rose, "I'll check my wife's room, you check with Carman, por favor."

Maria turned, "Si Patron."

Paul and Angel O'Brien were just sitting down to breakfast when a loud knock came on their door. Angel stood to answer the door, opening it she saw a very distraught Murdoch Lancer, "Murdoch, what's wrong?" Paul came to stand behind his wife, "Murdoch?"

Voice quivering the big man spoke, "Paul, Johnny's gone so is Maria. My god I think she left me and took Johnny sometime early this morning."

Pulling Angel back, Paul grabbed hold of his friend's arm, "We'll get Cip and the men to start looking. Let me get my coat and gun." Murdoch looked at Paul's wife, "Angel did she say anything to you, anything at all?" Pulling her robe up around her chin she shivered in the cool air, "Nothing Murdoch, not a word."

Paul moved around his wife, turned and gave her a kiss on her cheek, "See if you can help at the hacienda, we'll be back. Come on Murdoch let's get the men going."

Angel watched as the two men walked away, she put a hand to her baby bump, she felt that Maria was unhappy, but to take the baby with her to who knows where. That was just wrong; you don't take a child into the unknown. Closing the door she turned and gave a little prayer to God that Murdoch finds his son.

A lone man, sitting in a cold, dark room. There would be no need for light, for the light was gone. Gone from this room, this ranch, this heart. Murdoch held the baby blanket to his cheek, a year and nothing. This was all he had of his baby boy. His hope to bring his older son Scott home to be a big brother to Johnny was gone. A coldness descended on Lancer.

Maria Elena poured coffee for Cipriano and Paul, they heard the pound of the rocking chair above them, and it would take all they had to hold the big man together. Angel walked in with her and Paul's baby girl, holding his arms out she placed the girl into his arms, he pulled back the blanket and looked into the face of his Teresa, dark eyes, and dark hair. Maybe she will help his friend heal, looking around the table, they will all help to heal a broken heart.

Maria, who was once the wife of Murdoch Lancer, kicked at the door. He was gone, took her jewelry and what little money she had and her hope for an exciting life. Looking at the dark haired boy playing on the floor, she sighed. Now what was she to do? She had gotten soft living at Lancer, and how could she attract the men with a mixed child at her skirts. Maybe taking the Niño was not a good idea, at the time she needed her son, he was his son, but the more hungry she got the more she began to blame everyone else for her misfortune.

Johnny looked up at his mother, and smiled. He loved his momma; she was beautiful and laughed a lot, until recently. Now she would frown a lot and sometimes get mad at him even when he was good.

She looked at the sapphire blue eyes of her child and began to feel the anger grown in her. He was just a baby, not his fault, but he was his father's son.

"Take a look at what you have,

Think of all you did to get it.

Remember it only takes one second to lose."

( unknown)

The End.


End file.
